I wish I could punch you in the face.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
