you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
