I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
