You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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