So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
