Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
