you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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