I want to walk on stilts...naked
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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