hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
