I'm sorry my penis didn't work
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
