I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
