do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
