Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
