is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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