A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
