I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
