Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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