C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
