Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
