FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
