his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
