My liver just broke up with me...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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