Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
