I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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