I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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