I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
