next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sorry about my life...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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