I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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