Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
