I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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