Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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