Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
