he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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