The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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