Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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