actually, I'm a sock model
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
