i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
