This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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