after a month anything with tits is on the radar
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
