Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Panties = found
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
