Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
