I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
