just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
