My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
