some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
