i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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