Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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