dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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