worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
