kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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