Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
