One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
