I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
