You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
