what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Is Oprah even human
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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