so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
