his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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