I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
